BFN

Hopes, dreams and aspirations all whittle down to a pot of urine and a pregnancy test. Or so it seems.

There’s a lot riding on this journey.

Emotionally its an internal hurricane, wildly tearing away all semblances of reality and parity in favour of the grotesque and dissimilitude. Physiologically my stomach gets wrought if I dwell too much on the disappointment and negativity, i’m sure I could end up giving myself an ulcer, and that ladies and gents, is the power of psychology. If anyone ever dismisses your mental anxiety as a just a “made up problem” tell em to come speak to me, psychology is the single most important force in our day to day existence. If its not looked after, supported, stretched and challenged we would be nothing more than superficial robots. The mind is our greatest strength and our fiercest enemy. End of. How do I combat it? I’m talking (and typing) about my feelings to everyone and anyone that will listen.

Financially, its a strain. Sperm, shipping and VAT are exceedingly expensive and each time we home inseminate its costs us roughly £1500. My salary is around £1350 a month so understand that this is financially crippling.

Ergo pregnancy test is a very startling end to a couple of weeks of physiological and psychological torture.

It was negative.

We pick ourselves up and fork over some more cash.